Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
