Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The beer is more important than you right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
