I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My ATM looks so different sober.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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