I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
