We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
