The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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