If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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