she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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