I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize