everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
