Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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