I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
