So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
