Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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