that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
