Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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