i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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