Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
