Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
