highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
