I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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