grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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