ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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