Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
