You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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