I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
