Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
