So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
