i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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