i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
