I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
