I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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