that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
