The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
