Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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