Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
