i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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