now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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