so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
