my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
