can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
how does that bad decision feel?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize