If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
