No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
