Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
