ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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