We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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