I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
