____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want nice things and good sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
