So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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