I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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