this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
