Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
