don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
