did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
