oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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