If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
smell my finger.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
