I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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