but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
