Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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