Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
