my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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