I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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