pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize