I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
