I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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