i don't like sucking hair
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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