By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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