If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
