mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize