Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize